10:18 p.m. I'm listening to Beethoven, Piano Sonata NO. 14, Moonlight. What is this life? Why? The glass of Chardonnay is not even half full -just the way society wants it to be.

The Chardonnay. A memory that will never be forgotten. The red tree.

I remember the day of the red tree. Dark. Very dark. Shame upon me. Never again. I hate those souls with a PASSION. I will never forget their faces -all of them. They will receive the very same darkness as they portrayed on my very soul. Karma.

The red tree. How beautiful you are -the taste of your fruits -so delightful; yet, so dark. You’re a dark angel -you red tree.

Good night, good people. Dance around the red tree -but don’t let those sorrowful souls annihilate your heart like they did mine. I’ll see you in my dreams.  

Holy socks

Today, as I was shopping for groceries, I’ve found it very hard to buy something for me -nice. I needed socks and a new shirt; however, I put them back on the rack. I felt so guilty about buying necessities for me. Currently, my socks all have holes in them and my clothes are fading from the multiple washes they have all endured. Food or socks? An easy question -food, and toiletries.  Overall, the thought that I was able to buy them -at that very instant, was gratitude in the making. One day, I’ll get those socks and that nice shirt. In the meantime, I’ll take care of my priorities.

Furthermore, as I was walking throughout the store, broke as shit, I focused on the good. I’ve witnessed the most beautiful smiles, love, and a sense of contentment. I am grateful for my life -when I am focusing on the good. Focus only on the good -so that more good will come to you.

What a life -a good life. It only gets better from here.

The 70 MPH path

It’s 12:20 a.m. This 70 MPH path is temporary -right? This home is temporary; however, it feels like home. I don’t want it to be. I feel that my home is about 35 miles away. I miss you already. Life gets me down when you’re not with me. Who are you? WHY does my heartache for you? Who are you? WHY do you make my heart weak in your presence? Who are you?

This path at 70 MPH is my bridge. I want to go back -the other way. Why is there a path between us? The taste of your kiss is the light that brings the darkness in a time when I'm lost. Whenever I think of you, I see your smile on a sunny day -a day that I will never forget. Your eyes -so beautiful- so perfect in the sunlight -so grand in many ways. That smile -oh my! I have never seen such a beautiful smile in my LIFE. Thank you for inspiring mankind with your beauty; beauty of blessings in this dark world. I don’t know if I’m your key; I hope I am your final chapter.

I guess, for now, my journey on this 70 MPH path is part of my journey. My journey to you. A beautiful journey.

The journey to you

It’s 7:54 a.m. What is this journey? Where am I going? Is it to something grand? What is this path -this mat of soil and gravel mixed to perfection? Where are you leading me?

10:20 p.m. Laying in bed -focusing on gratitude. I am grateful for many things in life. What is going on in this life? I don't know. I do know what I want from it; however, will I ever obtain it? Yes, I will.
Nothing but random thoughts in this ever entry. Random thought of gratitude and longing. Laying in my bed, looking into the space around me. Love is missing.

The night is here. The darkness is gone, though. Light is everywhere. Rest well and good dreams to you.

Love

Word cannot describe what happened. My heart racing against time. My body allowing you to be inside my physical being. What is it? Oh god… You feel so good.
Sunny day, the typical traffic, the guilt; a combination to a particular moment. A moment that -can- be described as beam of external light. What is it?
The mirror. Who are you? I know that you only show the present time of reality -a glimpse of this very moment that determines the present. Why are you looking at me? You, only you -who is able to shine. I see you looking at me -not judging me of my flaws. You, you are true.
Last night, I had two nightmares. Both allowed my body to sweat fear, emotions, and betrayal. A betrayal of what? My peace, my life, my everything that matters now?
Tomorrow, however, will be a mystery. I want you inside of my soul. My passion is to make you satisfied in one’s life. Who are you? My Heart is… well, it is what it is -love.

The sun

Darkness is here. The sun said, goodbye. Where are you? Where did you go? Your guidance I seek -the warm air you portrayed on my path; where are you?
What should I do now? When I was walking on my path, earlier, did you see me? Did you know that I find shelter in your presence? Did you know any of this -my thoughts darkened by your whereabouts now? My sun, my light, my soul. Where are you? Take me back to the time when I was happy.
Today, I tried to inspire many -many in this world that have been cursed by one’s being. A being of no assistance to one’s matter. All is lost – a loss for many.
As I am preparing to retire this day,  I am thinking of my life. I love this life, I love me, and I love to love. Love is special to me. What is life without -loving? Love is grand. It brought me to this very instance -a terror on my path. Light, darkness, and love are all the requirements… of what?
Good night, world. Sweet dreams.

The bird

Lately, I’ve been overthinking situations in life. This current life of what? I don’t know. Is this a moment in time that will be diminishing any time soon? Will a better life come forth and welcome me into her arms? Is it a life that will allow me to smile -truthfully? Or to continue to smile in a social matter in society? I do not know. I know what I want; however, I hope to get what I’m searching for. I’m being optimistic, though. I hear you, I see you, I would like to smile when glazing at your beauty -you beautiful bird.
Why do you appear in my dreams, bird? Are you an Angel? Why so many questions? Where can I find the answers to them? As I’m typing these words -I feel that my heart is comforting me. More so- why are you looking at me? Why are you flying over me? Are you going to be protecting me from this world?
Yesterday, in the cold and dark city of Everett, WA, YOU were flying over the waterfront -fearlessly. You were so beautiful. Gracefully soaring the world and inspiring many with your beauty. What a beautiful bird.

The Optimist's heart

What is love? Tonight, I’m in Seattle. Resting for a big day tomorrow. What is love? I felt it tonight -scared that it will disappear. Why does love have to be so complicated? I do not know… Will I ever know?
Here’s to a good year…. A year of love. I love being the optimist -Optimistic Maurice.

The eight-mile parking lot

The eight-mile parking lot. In Seattle, I call it the I-405 north bound. Today, I have traveled in this parking lot. While in it, I thought about my journey -a journey of my life and what is to become of it.
It is funny how we think of our memories while stuck in traffic. I have a great memory of the past -back to my earliest childhood. For instance, I can still feel the chair that I was sitting in, onboard an aircraft to the west pacific islands. I was three years old at the time.
Today, however, I was remembering a time when love was, somewhat, a treasure in one’s life. Many loves in my life. All gone to memories -however- they were all stepping stones to my future life -of love. I know it; I feel it. And one day I will smile again.
Overall, I know that in my mind, there are memories that are hidden -to protect my heart and soul. Memories I dare not to think about or try to dig out of my brain. Because they’re a thing of the past that will not make my future manifest into what the Universe will deliver. What ever that is, I know it will be grand. Anyway, good night and sweet dreams, world. Kisses.

The mirror

As I look into the mirror, I see someone that I do not know. Who is that guy looking back at me? A shell? A body created by our Higher Power? I do not know who he is.
The mirror… the gateway to our soul. Who is he?
Right now, I’m laying in bed. Writing this entry when I should be sleeping. I have to be up at 4:00 a.m. Why so early? It’s like the my Guardian Angel sending me a sign to go for an early run. I love running; however, my heart is keeping me from my passion. Why do I allow my heart to forecast my days? A question that I will never know. Do I want to know? Do I really want to know? Why is my mind protecting my from my feelings? Why? Why so many questions? Why not just live a life of gratitude as well as a life of peace? What is peace? My interpretation of peace is when I once smiled. A true smile that is. I love to smile, however, my smile is… I don’t know. I do not know how to answer -anymore.
Today, was just an ordinary day. What is an ordinary day? Everyone has one’s interpretation of what an ordinary day is. My interpretation, however, is one that is a secret. A story of life, love, betrayal of one’s mind, or a story of that -that is, where only others may decipher in my words. A code -rather, an interpretation if read wholeheartedly.
Right at this very instance, I hear the seagulls chatting up a storm, I’m drinking a glass of Chardonnay, and hearing life -living in a city that I hate to be in. This is not home. I’ve learned to tune out sounds as well as my surroundings. Why? It’s my heart challenging my mind. Although, I’m on the side of my heart, because it’s my heart that brought me to this very instant of my life. This page, rather, this unwritten chapter of a book that will define my life -a battle. The battle to finding the comfort of my heart.
To my readers, just love. Live a life with no regrets. Smile at the world and continue to inspire everyone. Yes, you may feel the need to be secured in one’s mind; however, just release you heart, smile, and inspire. You may be asking yourself, “who should I be inspiring?” Inspire yourself before others.
That mirror, the mirror with that man looking back at me. Who is he? Why is he looking sad? Is it just the way he looks? Or is it just the way he portrays himself to the world? What ever the answer is, I feel his heart. It’s a good heart.

The story of my life:

Just love

I’m 40. I’m lonely. Love is interesting. It inspires many as well as lead others to a great pain like no other. When one loves to one’s heart’s content -then the world will be a better place.
Just love. Just live. Breathe.
Again, I’m 40. I’m lonely. I want love. Being this fish-out-of-water is destroying me. Love is pure. I seek it. I want it. You, the reader, do you love? Are you happy? Can you honestly look yourself in the mirror and say, “I am happy”?
Just love. That is all I have been doing. Loving. Seeking. Longing. Passionately dreaming of the life of love -smiles.
I love me… Do I?